i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
