I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
