Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
