marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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