i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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