Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize