so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
