We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
