His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
