remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
