She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
