Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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