sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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