You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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