this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
