if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
