Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
