So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
