speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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