He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
