Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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