Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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