Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
