that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
