he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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