i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
