Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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