I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize