i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
