Whats the glycemic index on semen?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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