I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
