Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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