Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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