uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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