You smell like a Billy Joel song
Is it because I queefed?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
