the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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