so that wasnt chicken after all
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
