Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
