dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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