8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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