Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
