Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
