He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
