you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
