Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Four minutes until I can fart!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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