Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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