the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
