His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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