i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
