I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
