Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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