FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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