No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she peed on how many people?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
