I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize