i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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