Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
