I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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