So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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