I'm so fucking centered right now
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
