everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
