woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
