I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Randomize
