Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
