first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize