he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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