I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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