it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
