Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
