Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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