I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
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