Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
