I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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