You just made me feel so damn special
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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